By Faith

Hebrews 11:1...Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I'm a science teacher by trade. It's hard for me to just accept things that I cannot see. I want everything to be logical and orderly... so this concept of faith is a hard one.

If someone came up to me and said, "Buy this stock, it's a great buy, just trust me," I would never do it. I'd go home and do research and ask a million people what they thought of the stock. If everything looked good and I was comfortable with it, I'd buy the stock. And I'd call a person foolish or naive if he or she just bought the stock without checking it out for him or herself.

So what about God calling me to believe in him even though I can't see him? What about following his rules when sometimes they don't make logical sense?

I will admit that there are times when I doubt. My faith wavers. But God has impressed it strongly on my heart that when I am obedient to him I am content. While that is not visible it is still real, and it is proof enough for me that my faith in Him is soundly placed.

Contentment for me comes out of simplicity. When I make time for what is really important and cut out the fluff, life is more manageable and enjoyable.

My prayer today...
Lord, help me overcome my wishy-washy unbelief so that I can earnestly seek you and press on...Amen

Lessons From Zumba

Zumba. A fun word for a fun workout. I've given up on exercise for the sake of exercise. I have to enjoy it at least a little bit or I won't do it. Put me in a gym with free weights and my eyes will be glossy before I finish five reps. Enter Zumba, the sassy, tooshie-wagging world-music workout that is never the same. I always feel a little bit naughty after a good Zumba workout :)

Dancing is not one of my natural abilities. I think I have average athletic prowess, but I have a hard time getting my hips to wiggle in one direction while my hands and feet do something completely different. I learned early on that I had to get over myself if this Zumba thing was going to work out. Ignore those floor-to-ceiling mirrors and the fit chicks in the tight fitting workout clothes. Ignore the Latin Diva whose hips intuitively know what to do when they hear the word salsa.

Fortunately, the music makes you think you're on a cruise, and the footwork is fancy enough to take total concentration, so you have little time to think about anything else. My problem was that I was thinking too hard. Have you ever thought so hard about something that it didn't make sense anymore? Guilty, right here!

I would stare at the teacher's feet, trying to discern and copy her every move. Unfortunately, the big picture was lost on me and I'd end up totally lost or at least a beat behind...not the best way to Zumba.

Tonight was different, though. I found that I wasn't thinking so much about the steps as I was the music. Paying attention to the music let me hear cues for my body and I could anticipate them. I also quit looking around the room, trying to read the crowd. Who cares if the girl in front of me knows every step by heart or that the lady on the left side of the room has cute workout capris? I did my best tonight when I focused first on the music and then on the motion, tuning out all the extraneous other stuff.

Since I like analogies and applications, I tried to think of how this revelation could spill over into other parts of my life. It seems that when I can give an activity my full attention and stop worrying about how others will perceive me, I will do a better job and have more fun. Take that energy you used to spend worrying and channel it back into the task at hand and watch it take off!

Braided Treasures

I just met with two dear people this evening. Women after my own heart, I think. We've started a writing group to help keep each other accountable. As we were discussing some of the topics at hand it occurred to me that I was so comfortable with these women, even as they were offering critiques and suggestions on my work. To me, that shows a depth of character and friendship that is hard to find in this world.

I am blessed with friends who a God-seeking women. These friendships are treasures that are worth more than any material item I can think of. I watched these friends take care of those in need when they themselves were in need. Countless words of Godly wisdom have passed through the lips of my friends, accompanied by even more prayers.

This week my Bible Study has emphasized the importance of accountability and support and it brought me to Ecclesiastes. Read on...

Ecclesiastes 4:9-13 (New International Version)

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

So much truth packed into these verses, but my take-away nugget is this: Braid yourself into a friendship with others while including God, and you will have a friendship that will be hard to fail.

Just another thing to be thankful for this time of year! Friends!

Dear God,

Without you, I am ugly. This past week one of my biggest excuses to "ditch" you popped up...I wasn't feeling good and either was the rest of my family. I got trapped in self-pity and used being ugly to others as a mode of coping.

I was irritable, selfish, short-tempered, and mean to my husband.

It's really amazing that you let me keep coming back. How many times do I have to learn the same lesson, that YOU are the way, the truth, and the life ?!

It's so thickheaded of me, really! I assume I know your will and your ways because I've heard it or read it before. But, really, I don't truly know something until it comes time to put it into practice. I learned that from teaching high school chemistry. Try to teach something that you don't really know to a bunch of 11th graders... they'll set you strait in no time.

I'm realizing, with the help of First Place 4 Health, that there is no "coast" option in Christianity. Either I daily go to Jesus in prayer or I don't. If I do, I will be closer to him and I will be able to know his will. If I don't, I will get trapped in the ways of the world and probably make some bad decisions. All of this comes from my verse for the week...

Romans 12:2...Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve of what God's will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Amen!

Forgotten

Remember those school days when you weren't completely sure who your true friends were? There were kids who were nice to you, but when the time came for parties and dates, would you make the cut? High school was the social version of the classic P.E. choosing of the teams...who would be first and who would be last? Status was determined by who was wanted and who was not.

If you're clueless about what I'm writing about, this entry is not for you. You were one of those starlets who was picked first, got the guy (or girl) you always wanted, and never worried about being accepted socially. For anyone else, this blog's for you!

This insecurity has been swirling around inside my gut for the last few days. It peaked when I had a terrible dream that my husband wanted a divorce. (We're still madly in love, don't worry mom!) I always push these feelings back down and think I've defeated them, but then, days, or months later, they'll be back.

I remember sitting on my mom's bed as a child crying about not having any friends because I was fat. Looking back, I don't really know how overweight I was, but I do know that I wasn't accepted at elementary school because of it. To top it off, my family didn't have nearly as much money as the "sub-division" kids, so I rarely had the same new stuff that they did. Kids were cruel and I just didn't fit in.

Teasing and taunts lessened as I got older, mainly because the other kids grew out of that stage and turned to more subtle tactics. I got tougher, too, at least on the outside. I learned how to shove my emotions aside and lie to myself, saying that an invite to this or that really didn't matter to me. But it did. (I usually coped by eating more food. At least that was something I could control.)

For my sixteenth birthday my friends decided it would be great to pretend to forget that it was my birthday. All day long I went around and didn't get even one happy birthday wish or acknowledgment. Even my boyfriend was in on it! After school, one of my friends asked me to go somewhere with her. I was bummed but I went along anyway. We landed at a surprise party...but what should have been fabulous fun was spoiled by my insecurity. I honestly believed that everyone had forgotten about me.

That birthday happened 15 years ago and it is still fresh in my mind...how I felt the whole day over, not just during the party. These days, I find myself trying to make sure that other people don't experience what I hated so much...feeling left out. I overcompensate by inviting people over, planning events, etc.

Now, my old insecurities are resurfacing. Faced with an unwanted move to an unknown place, I fear that the handful of friends I have now will forget me. They will go on having fun without me and that will be that. I worry that I really don't matter..there are days when I judge my worth on the number of invitations I find in my mailbox. On days when I hear of others getting together without me, that hurts even more.

The difference is that I'm ready to face these insecurities and emotions now, and I know that the answer is not in a batch of brownies. I'm rather inclined to think that the answer lies somewhere in the Good Book, although I'm also pretty sure that God doesn't have a chapter titled, "For those who feel left out."

How about Luke 12:6&7?...Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Really, God has a way of cheering you up. What a pep talk! I love my Norah and Ethan like mad, but I have no clue how many hairs they have on their heads. God cares for me! And he really doesn't enjoy this pity-party I've been writing about. Jesus understands the hardships I've had in life. He had more than his share, but he didn't wallow in them.

Ezekiel 36:26
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Lord, please remove this hardened, stony part of my heart and replace it with new, alive love that has no fear of being forgotten.

Amen!

The Digital Holiday

As my family plans for the holidays, memories from the past few Christmas seasons have come rushing back. I remember that, amidst all the commotion there are the special, quiet moments. There are the days when the snow twinkles and shimmers and you almost like winter. There are the incredibly adorable things your kids do, things that no other child has ever done quite like yours.

Ahhh, the Kodak moments!

Alas, so many people these days are trying to capture the Kodak moment that there are fewer and fewer people left in the picture. I remember one time last Christmas where my two kids played by the tree while the six adults stood around snapping pictures or videoing the event. What has happened to us?

Let me challenge you to do with less this year. Have fewer cameras at your holiday gathering. Let the photo diva do her thing and give her a few bucks to make a copy and send you a CD. Or get your relative to post the pics to Walgreens and order the prints that you'd like. Maybe you all like to take pictures. Great! Take turns. You get Christmas, I'll take Thanksgiving.

Let's just not forget the reason we got together in the first place!

Even When You're Naughty

My mom used to tell me, and I find myself telling my son, that I love him even when he is naughty. I especially make sure to tell him this during and after discipline, and his eyes always get a bit bigger, like he is trying to figure this out. To him, love still means something that he likes (he's only 4.) So I follow up that statement with an explanation that loving him is not the same as liking what he did...

Well, just the other day I was being particularly naughty with my food tracker. I wasn't feeling very good, I was having a pity-party, and was being particularly self-indulgent and reckless. It struck me that the message I was giving my son all along was true for me, too. That God loves me even when I'm naughty. That is such a hard thing to swallow. All my life I've thought of God as being this divine policeman, ready to pounce at any rule-breaker. So to picture God loving me even when I'm naughty, well, that puts a whole different spin on our relationship.

He definitely doesn't enjoy these times. I'm sure they sadden him and frustrate him like I get when my son disobeys. But for me, the rebellion of disobedience changes. It looses its glamor when I'm breaking God's heart rather than "sticking it to" the authorities. I think that's true in parenting, too. When we really show our kids our broken hearts they are much more likely to sway over to our side than if we act the part of strict disciplinarian.

So, even when you are at your most unloveable, you are still loved by the One who made you. Even when you're naughty. Chew on that.