Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter

There is only a small fraction of women who can honestly say they've never thought about it. You, friend, have probably thought about it, too.


I'm sure there are all sorts of scandalous things you're thinking about right now. What is she talking about, you wonder?

My husband will tell you I'm terrible at saving surprises until later, so here's the scoop: I'm talking about poop. Let me elaborate.

I must warn you, reading further will expose you to TMI. But if you positively have to know the dirty details, (and I mean dirty!) read on. And if you think there is absolutely nothing funny about Number Two, you need to visit The humor archives. (Be warned that other pages at this site are not wholesome.)

For the past week our family has been suffering from a virus that affects the intestines. They aren't working properly, and that's allowed some family members to get in some extra reading time. You might call our affliction the stomach flu without the up-chuck. Get the picture?

What I can hardly comprehend is why anyone would want this problem. Yet I cannot tell you how many times I've heard women say, "I was sick for a whole week and I couldn't keep anything down. I lost ten pounds! It was awesome!" And if that isn't troubling, the replies I've heard should give you pause. They go something like this: "I'm so jealous of you. I wish that had happened to me."

Dear ones, we have twisted our minds into unrecognizable contortions. We are glorifying physical ailments because they help us attain the all important goal: thin. The underlying message portrayed is that being thin is more important than health, and that I will sacrifice my health if I could be thin. Because if I could be thin then I would be happy.

It is a sad commentary, but surely true. Women constantly compete against each other, and being thin gives you an automatic advantage. Women judge each other. Women keep score. What are we exactly fighting over? In the dating years it looked like we were vying for male companionship. But this way of relating to each other doesn't evaporate at high school graduation or marriage. Moms in play groups still form cliques. Women in the mall give you the once over when you walk into a new store. We are still competing, but what for?

It boils down to one word: Worth.

Self-worth. Value. My importance in this world. Do I matter? Do I count? Does anybody care?

If I took my answers from the Clinique lady at Younker's today, I didn't count. I didn't matter. I could tell by the way she looked at me that I wasn't up to her standards. (Get ready for this: I went to the mall without makeup on and then dared to go to the cosmetics counter!) Sly, subtle cues were used to transmit her opinion of me...condescending tone, questioning my decisions, pressuring me to buy products without trying to relate to me as a real person.

It was all I could do to get out of there without tears.

I could feel myself spiraling downward. What did I want at that moment? I wanted to be thin and gorgeous and show her! And I wanted to eat.

But for one of the first times in my life I did not let my emotions rule me. I did spend a few crazy minutes in the dressing room contemplating a splurge of ginormous proportions. But when I settled down enough to tune out the background mall music, I heard God's voice.

Sit down and pray. Stop walking and sit down and pray.

So I sat on a leather couch with the crowd bustling by. I put my head in my hands, covering my face. And I prayed (and cried a little.) And God lifted me out of that slimy pit I was in. He brought promises back to me that I had been memorizing. He reminded me that my body was a temple and that he loved me so much that he gave his most prized treasure, Jesus, so that we could have a relationship. He told me of the plans he has for me. And he whispered that I get to pick who has power over me. Would I let the Clinique lady decide how much I am worth, or would it be God?

1 Peter 3:3-5

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.

Blessed one, may you and I be granted the unfading beauty of these holy women. This is the beauty that lasts longer than we can comprehend.